Counting the Cost

"One grocery store in our area has a large display of individually packaged tiny bags of chips for .25. I let the kids (we have 8) pick a bag of their choice when we go into the store and they hold onto it while we shop. It helps cut down on the 'Can we get......?' because I remind them that they already have something that they picked out." ~ Kathy

"When my children grocery shop with me, I tell them they can only ask for one 'special' thing that they want that's not on my list. I still have to approve of it though. For example, I won't allow chocolate or marshmallow cereals, fruit roll ups (dentists hate them), etc. Knowing that they only can get one thing slows them down and makes them be more careful about what they pick. They might pick pudding or jello cups or a bag of chips, but they also found it fun to find something they've never had before like an avocado or a new flavor of jam. That gave me the idea that the next time I took them, only let them pick one thing that they've never tried before. You can even limit it to a different section in the store each visit. Making it a game helps them focus and not act up." ~ Gail

Here are a few ideas to keep your sanity (and money) when shopping
with your kids:

1. Just say, 'No!' Kids need to learn that they do not get something every time we go to to store! So sometimes I just tell them no. While this initially may lead to some meltdowns, if you stick to your
guns, kids will learn that you mean it and quit asking for things every time. My sister went a step further and told my nephew that if he asked for anything when they were shopping, he would not get
anything, but if he didn't beg and bug her, he might get a surprise at the end of their shopping trip.
2. Let them pick out something that we need to get anyway. If we need cereal, crackers, or cookies, etc., I let them choose what kind. If you are worried about the kids choosing unhealthy food (like
super-sugared cereals), give them a choice of 2-3 things that are acceptable to you.
3. Make the shopping trip into a game! Use your shopping list as a scavenger hunt and have the kids help you find the items on the list.
If the kids are old enough, you can award points to the first one to spot an item.
4. Shop at stores that are kid-friendly! I started going to one particular grocery store in our area because they had 'car carts.' The kids could enjoy 'driving' through the store while I got my shopping done in relative peace.
5. Shop over the phone or online. One year I dreaded the thought of Christmas shopping with my toddler and baby while I was pregnant with baby #3. I checked out the internet and was able to do most of my shopping online! All I had to do was bring the boxes in the house as they were delivered! Recently, our school began a Market Day program. This is a great alternative to shopping with the kids, while supporting a local group (school, church, etc). I can order the food online or over the phone and pick it up once or twice a month. When I arrive, the food is packed up and ready to go!" ~ Mary, mom to 3 kids in 3 years

"The best tip I got this year was to stop clipping
coupons! Having a coupon for an item makes me want to buy it... whether I will actually use it or not. I was going to a higher priced grocery store because they would double these coupons - making me even more tempted to buy. So I was paying more for my usual groceries so that I could save a few more cents on coupon items that I didn't really need anyway. Instead, I've started stopped cutting coupons all together and have started going to a discount grocery store that is lower in price. And, since they don't double coupons, I'm no longer tempted to cut them out
or to buy things I don't really need." ~ Ruth

"Our children have spending money of their own, via allowances, jobs, gift money, etc. I have found it very effective, even from a young age to explain why I choose not to purchase that item but that (if I have no moral objections) they may purchase it with their money. When the child has to decide whether the item is worth their cash it puts the 'I want that' in a whole new light." ~ Danielle

"We have always had a 'talk' on the way to the store about what we need to buy: only what's on the list, etc. Then I have the kids help me fill the list. When they still rode in the basket, I would show them what to mark off -- they learned to recognize the words (MILK, etc.). Now I have them get what we need. We sometimes talk about the way they (the store) try to trick us into buying things not on our list.

We need 6 cans of green beans, 3 cans of peas and 3 cans of whatever -- someone has to put in the basket -- usually it's a kid!! I'm just the navigator!

We play 'what's the best buy' when they get older. I almost always feed them and myself before we go! That helps." ~ Lisa

"I'm blessed to have many shopping choices where I live. Before we go into the store, I remind my daughter (nearly 4 years old) that we will only be buying what's on the list. She'll still ask, but I have to remind her no.

We have a local chain, Trader Joe's, that give out stickers to children. Sometimes you have to ask for it. We also stop by the food samples stand.

There are several supermarkets here that have bakery departments. Most give out a cookie to children while you shop. I tell my daughter that we can stop for a cookie AT THE END OF OUR SHOPPING if she behaves herself." ~ Sandra

"To me, the question suggests a mind set that needs adjusting. My children do not 'constantly beg me to buy things that are not on my shopping list.' They are usually glad for the privilege of accompanying me into the store. We are almost always on a very tight budget, and as I have learned to be content through the years, so have my seven children. It truly blesses my heart to see how grateful my children are when they receive something extra or unexpected. There are times that we will buy something that is not on the list, but you can be assured that whining had nothing to do with it.

My suggestion is to stick to your shopping list, enduring a few 'hard trips' through the store without giving in. Your child(ren) will learn that nagging is not going to be successful. Then, once your standards are established, you can occasionally allow the child to select something extra. It is then a fun and special treat for you both." ~ Margie in KS

"One strategy I’ve used when dealing with children who want toys and other things from the store is to help them set expectations for the errand. If we’re going grocery shopping, I would tell them in advance, 'We are going to the store to buy groceries. This is not a trip to buy toys or coloring books or anything like that. This is a trip to buy food.' Of course, it’s important for the parent to stand firm on this, and not give in to any pleading.

I also read in some parenting book that a child is not always 'asking' for a toy when they point it out. The author said that adults often comment on things they think are nice or would be nice to have without any expectations of actually purchasing them, so it’s not always a good idea to shut the child down immediately. If my daughter says, 'Mom, look at this! Isn’t it great?' I could say, 'That is great. That might be something nice to get for your birthday in a couple of months, don’t you think?' Or for an older child, 'That looks like it would be something worth saving up your allowance. I really like it.' This way, the child feels heard, but understands this is not something that is going to be purchased during this trip. And possibly, allows children to think about it and make a choice later that is not made on impulse." ~ Angela

"A few of the tricks that have worked for me when I have to shop with my kids are:

1) Make it very clear to the kids what the point of the shopping trip is and that you are sticking to your list as much as possible.
2) Also make it clear that you will leave the store if they start whining and carrying on over not getting something. And that you will return without them to do your shopping if they can't behave. Do not just say this though. You
have to follow through. You would not believe how shocked a child will be when you leave your cart and take them home because they could not
behave.
3) Shop as little as possible. I have a friend who only shops once a month. Her husband gets paid once a month and after payday they go on their once-a-month shopping trip. She says it takes a little forethought and a little planning, but it takes no more effort to take 4 boxes of pasta off a shelf once a month than it would to take 1 box once a week. And her husband will stop for items such a milk and eggs on his way home from work, when they run low.
4) Tell the kids that if they want something above and beyond what is on your list, it is up to them to pay for it with their own money. I have noticed that my kids will spend their own money very carefully and really think about their choices before they buy.
5) Remember who is the parent! You are and you make the rules whether or not the kids like them. Be firm with your kids. What kind of an adult will your child grow up to be if they always get handed whatever they want. Tell them that if they really want something that they can always pick up extra chores at home (or Nana's house) and EARN the money to save for what they want to buy." ~ Annie

"Responding to your request for ideas about grocery shopping with children. I have four children and often had to shop several of them when they were younger. My idea does not work for the little ones, but worked great for 5-10 yrs olds. I budgeted a set amount of money that could be spent each week on 'their special items' (i.e. the stuff mom would not usually buy but they would beg for like sugary cereal, fruit snacks etc.) Each week a different child was in charge of making the final decisions but it was in their best interest to agree with siblings so as not to have their opinions ignored when it was someone else's turn to pick. I helped them figure out what their items cost, allowed them to use coupons when we had them etc, but they could not go over the budgeted amount. They quickly became very discerning about what they really wanted when it was 'their money' that was being spent and they even learned to look for sales and store brands." ~ Mary Beth

"The best advice I've heard in this area is from a mother of an only child. She told me, 'How can I teach my child what I don't possess myself?' She was speaking of self-control. If we can't bring ourselves to train our children to take no for an answer without resorting to whining and bad behavior to coerce it out of us, how will they ever grow up learning to deny themselves of what they really don't need? I have to develop the self-control to say no to their inappropriate demands and hopefully this will teach them to have their own measure of self-control. That said, if you take a hungry child to the store or shop so long they become hungry, then you should take the responsibility to alleviate that appropriately also." ~ Kathy

"I always gave my kids jobs when we shopped. I tried to take only one child at a time. That child was in charge of cereal, cookies or ice cream choices. They had to find something the others liked and was reasonably priced. Since they helped me pack the groceries I paid them $1.00 and they could choose to save or spend it." ~ Colleen

"First and foremost don't start buying them treats when you shop. I told my daughter no from the beginning and she doesn't even ask now (she's five). I also found that between the ages of 2 until they start Kindergarten you can take them to Freddies Playland in any Fred Meyer store and they'll watch your child for free for up to one hour. They have toys and coloring and even video's to entertain them. This was a lifesaver many times!" ~ Suzie

"I never tempted my daughter with things I couldn't afford in the first place. I never took her into a toy store when she was small and maneuvered around toy and candy departments in department stores. I made my intentions clear before we went into a store: 'Today we're buying milk and bread.' She has always been strong-willed but never had trouble when I let her know up front what was expected. My question to parents is this: Why show your kids toys, let them hold them and play with them in the store when you have no intention of buying it? Then you're surprised when the kid throws a fit the toy is taken away. What parent expects a toddler or preschooler to understand that the toy isn't theirs when Mommy gave it to them? Then the real damage is done: the parent buys the toy to shut the kid up." ~ April

"When my oldest son starts asking for things in the store, especially toys and such, I suggest that he put it on his list for Christmas or his birthday, which- ever is closest. He knows that it doesn't mean he will get it, but it does take his mind off the 'I want it now.'"
` Garilyn

"I involve my children (ages 14, 12, 10 and 8) when making the shopping list. And we make the list according to the layout of the store, any sale papers we have received, and the weekly menu. This helps us to make sure we don't forget anything. When it comes to items like cereal, where they all have a different 'favorite,' we take turns on who gets to pick that week. If they see an item that's on the shelf but not on the list, they get told to put it on the list for next week. Usually by the time we get home they've forgotten all about that 'impulse buy' item and I don't have to worry about it. For my older 2, we comparison shop. We look at the ingredients, nutritional content, volume and pricing. When looking at it that way, they usually go for the one that gives them more for the money.

When talking about items like clothes, toys, games or music, I have two standard remarks: 'Do you have any money in your allowance?' and 'Are you ready to sell/give away some items to make room for what you want?' If they have the money to buy it from their allowance, then all is good. When they have to sell or give something away, that's a different story. But if they do say that they'll get rid of something old to get something new, they have to get rid of the old before we buy the new. Then the same thing goes for these items as it does in the food aisles, by the time they get home, they're over their impulse buying streak and that 'can't-live-without-it' item is still on the store shelf instead of taking up space in my house." ~ Karen

"One strategy to use when dealing with children going to ANY store with you:

Have a plan beforehand; don't try to come up with one under stress. It's just a matter of disciple and consistency to employ the same plan every time, which I admit is not easy. The plan that we used on a consistent basis was this: when my children were with me and I needed to shop, I would give them each a set amount of money ($1.00 or less) and tell them they could use it to buy anything in the store which was that price or less and I wouldn't interfere with their choice. However, if they asked me to buy anything else that was not specifically on my list, they had to forfeit their item and would not get to buy anything of their choice. Of course, you have to gauge the understanding of the child and at what age to use this technique, but my kids got it by 3 years old and they enjoyed the feeling of having a choice about something when we were going shopping. They are teenagers now and can easily understand a budget, besides the fact that they have their own spending money, so we don't have this discussion much anymore. P.S. I only have 2 children, so I'm not sure how well this would work if you had a bunch of kids!" ~ Dorothy

"My four older children, ages 11, 12, 13 and 15, have newspaper routes. My two youngest children, ages 6 and 7, deliver Sears catalogues (with my assistance). The newspaper in our small town is only delivered once a week and the carriers are paid in cash once a month by the newspaper. Each of older kids makes between $18 and $22 a month depending on how many Tuesdays there are in the month. Any time they ask to go to a movie with their friends, go to a hockey game, etc. I ask them if they have any money. If they do, they can go. If it is a family outing to a hockey game or movie then my husband and I pay. The younger two receive approximately $5 each a month for delivering a few Sears catalogues and the same applies to them. Please note: the lesson is only learned if you do not help them because they do not have enough money to go. They need to learn to plan their outings and make their money last!" ~ GG

"My mom actually *insisted* on taking one child each week for grocery shopping and I'm glad she did. Not only did we get one-on-one time with her but we learned from her example how and why we have to budget, how to comparison shop, how to maximize your dollars. As for the 'gimmes,' she started us young by repeating at every shopping trip that 'we spend our money on things we need and maybe we can have a treat.' And it really was a maybe. We grew up learning that a treat is something you get occasionally - not something you're guaranteed to have just because it's shopping day. So on those rare times she let us pick out a bag of chips or a container of ice cream or chose a bag of candy, it truly was a treat and we savored every last potato chip and every last lick of ice cream. The rarity of getting those things made them more special to us as kids. So all you parents out there -- take your kids shopping to teach them how to do it frugally. And don't be afraid to say no. My mom wasn't - and as an adult I'm so thankful for her foresight!" ~ Jill

"My girls are almost grown now, but when they were little they were a joy to shop with. Yup - I really mean it.

GO ALONE - I was a very young mother with low patience, so whenever I could avoid shopping with children, I did. They usually didn't really want to be dragged all over town anyway. That meant I often did my grocery shopping after they went to bed. (A 10pm trip taught me that the meat department started marking the ground beef down at night, by the way.)

KEEP THEM FED - When I did take them with me, we always packed a snack and sippy cup for the road. Full tummies meant fewer food requests and happier children.

GIVE THEM A REASON TO COOPERATE - The girls knew they were guaranteed 1 treat at the grocery store - a single fruit roll-up, sold individually. I would let them eat them in the store and put the packaging in my 'shopping box' to be paid for later (a box with my coupons, list, calculator and cash). The caveat was that they were not to ask for anything in the store. We ALWAYS reviewed this before going in the store by my saying, 'We don't ask for things in the store, we follow our list and we each get a fruit roll-up, right?' They would agree and I rarely had any problems.

KEEP THEM BUSY - Stay off the cell phone and talk to your kids. We spent the time in the store singing songs and looking for colors, shapes, etc. (We did this in all stores - no wonder people stared!) As they got older they were kept busy looking for the items on the list with me, and after that I started splitting the list up and gave each girl a section to shop for. They were responsible for getting the best price and quality. (now they do all the shopping -- Yeah!!)

EDUCATE THEM - You can't avoid the splashy marketing and eye level temptations, but you can teach kids how to make choices. My kids couldn't tesist pointing to the item of their desire and saying things like, 'Look, Mommy a new XXX.' I listened to them and looked at the item. If it looked even vaguely reasonable, then I would tell them we could put it on the list for next time - and I did. If not, then I would explain why.

DELAYED GRATIFICATION means that it gets gratified later, not never. If I got too many 'Look, Mommy's," then I explained that I had to finish my 'job' before we looked at anything else. After we left the store we could talk about the things they had shown me and talk about the possibility of getting it later...and how. Birthday money, odd jobs??

TEACH GRATITUDE by example. Be grateful for what you have and SAY it. Kids learn from what they see and hear. Make it a habit to say things like, 'Wow, we have so many games, aren't we blessed? I love our games.' If they see you buying, buying, buying..but not hearing gratitude, how will they learn it?

I wanted my kids to learn gratitude. I started while they were young and it made an enormous difference, not only in the store, but also in life. They were grateful little girls with an understanding that we may not 'choose to spend our money that way' on some things, but there was room to try new things, also.

P.S. They are great money managers - thanks to a book called Debt Proof your Kids by Mary Hunt and lots of hard lessons." ~ Teresa

Editor's Note: Thanks to everyone who took the time to share his or her ideas!